At this age, friends become more important than ever and kids really want to fit in.
Common behavior problems can include arguing, yelling, defiance , and lying. They're too old for many of the discipline strategies that worked when they were little kids, however. Age-appropriate discipline will prevent your child from making serious mistakes, while also teaching her important life lessons. Kids of all ages need household rules and the tween years can be a great time to update those rules. Clearly outline the type of behavior you expect in terms of chores, homework, a dress code, and extra privileges. Also, discuss your expectations for your child when he's outside the home.
Tweens want more privileges, like owning a smartphone or spending time with friends unsupervised. But, many tweens aren't ready to handle the responsibility that accompanies such privileges.
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Establish guidelines that your child will need to follow for a specified period of time before earning a specific privilege. For example, your child may need to show she can complete her chores every day for two weeks without being asked to show she is responsible enough to start staying home alone for an hour. Or, she may need to show you she can stick to the rules on the tablet before you consider buying her a smartphone. Just make sure you're fully prepared to follow through with any consequences you threaten.
Avoid nagging or repeating yourself. Otherwise, you'll make your tween more dependent on you for reminders about what he's supposed to be doing.
Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids
Consequences for tweens need to make sense. Provide a logical consequence that connects the punishment to the misbehavior. Natural consequences should only be used when it's safe to do so. Don't let your child do anything that could cause him to get hurt.
Parenting skills: Tips for raising teens - Mayo Clinic
And only use natural consequences when you think they will teach your child a valuable life lesson. Take away electronics, time with friends, or any other extra privilege that might make your tween think twice about breaking the rules again. A reward system or token economy system can reduce behavior problems fast. Link good behavior to incentives that your tween will want to earn and she'll become more responsible. The problem and its consequences have become so widespread over the last decade that in , the American Psychological Association formed a Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls.
They say that anything to do with real feelings—love, sadness, vulnerability—is girly, therefore bad. While kids feel a certain pressure to fit in, they are also experimenting with who they want to be, how they want to dress and talk, and what kind of humor they think is funny.
They may take on the role of leader one week, follower the next, rebel the week after that.
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Kirmayer says. Join our list and be among the first to know when we publish new articles. Get useful news and insights right in your inbox. Just to add a little more drama to the changes taking place, the early adolescent brain is also evolving with regard to emotional development in ways that makes kids both more sensitive to their own emotions and to those of others. They develop a heightened reactivity to emotion, but their brain development lags in the regions that are active in regulating emotions. Imagine looking at the world one way your entire life and then having the way you perceive things, including your own feelings and thoughts and your place in the world, shift over the course of a few months.
This is the exciting, sometimes frightening new territory your pre-adolescent is navigating every day. In order to set the stage for a good relationship with her as she moves into adolescence, you need to change the way you relate to her in keeping with the seismic shifts going on in her. Juliann Garey is a journalist, novelist and clinical assistant professor at NYU. Join them. Follow ChildMindInst. Physical changes : Girls especially are heading in to puberty at an earlier age than they used to.
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Cognitive changes The biggest shift according to Dr. Major social factors that come up during pre-adolescence include: Independence: Because of the change in the way they see themselves and each other, pre-adolescents become progressively more attuned to their peers and less identified with their families and parents.
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